Darko Durbic

A Child Dies of Cancer
By Marilyn Ferguson

God said, “I know you're hurting
And filled with grief and strife
The loss of such a loved one
Cuts deep, just like a knife.”

I said, “It’s unrelenting
The sadness and the woe
This pain so cruel and ruthless
How could you ever know?”
God said, “I’m full of mercy
My arms are open wide
Come here to me for comfort
Get rid of earthly pride.”

I said, “I cannot do that
You took my child away
My world once bright and cheerful
Has turned to skies of gray.”

God said, “I really love you
Your loss, I truly share
I’m here to ease your burden
This weight, I’m going to bear.”

I said, “Dear Lord have mercy
On bended knee, I pray
I cannot stand this torture
I fall apart each day.”

God said “You'll find the answers
You mustn’t be so weak
The truth is found in scripture
It’s there that you must seek."

I said, “How could you know, God?
Your heart is made of steel
You’ll never really understand
The heartache that I feel.”

God said, “I know you’re hurting
I see you’ve suffered loss
You lost your child to cancer
Mine died upon the cross."

Author/Written By:
Marilyn Ferguson
©2006


 

Missing You

Oh, Darko, I am missing you!
My heart can't seem to mend.
These last four years I've fooled myself,
But no more can I pretend.

You've not just gone to foreign lands,
To come home any day.
You've gone to where I can't yet go,
You've gone away to stay.

I used to feel I could hear your steps
Walking down the hall,
But when I eagerly checked it out,
You were not there at all.

I used to think I heard your voice
Calling, "Mom, it's me!"
But when I went to welcome you,
You were not there to see.

In daydreams I still see your face,
You dance around my heart.
But then reality sets in
And I know that we're apart.

Those memories of days gone by
Are jewels I'll always treasure.
They're safely locked within my heart,
I love you without measure.

And, hope, too, lives within my heart,
For this I know is true:
Someday my call from God will come
And then I'll be with you.

Loving and missing you always,
Mom

Poen written by Saralyn McAfee Smith

My Dearest Darko Christmas is over and it's the New Year already. It has been so long....WOW 4.5 years...I can remember many years ago talking to my friends "I just can't imagine living 5-10 years without you". But now it has happened! Still in disbelieve that you’re gone. I miss you so much words can’t even say & I PRAY that one day I will see you again and get that hug that I long for. I don't have that many dreams of you anymore...I don't like that!! I miss those dreams of you giving me hugs...I had told YOU once in a dream that "As long as U give me hugs once in a while that I could do this" PLEASE give me a hug tonight. Some say that dream was an out of body experience and I really had visited you that night!?!?!?! I don't know if I did but If I did I would love to see you again. Well Darko just please always remember that your dad and I think of you every sec. of the day and nights and miss you so much and Love you so much that words could not say!! Love you my sweet handsome son Darko

Your Mom XXOOXXOOXXOO
                                                           
                                                           

The Grieving Mother

To those who say to get on with my life, I have.
It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother.
One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for,
but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of!
Do not judge the bereaved mother.
She comes in many forms.
She is breathing, but she is dying.
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.
She smiles, but her heart sobs.
She walks, she talks, she cooks,
she cleans, she works, she IS,
but she IS NOT, all at once.
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.
Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.
We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.
Open your eyes to US, and you just might see THEM.

In loving memory of you Darko I put your name on me so we will be together forever.I love you my son

               My Son

No parent could be prouder,

Of the person you were growing into,

Just a very gentle, loving, young man,

With the world at his feet, and a sparkle in his eyes.

The sparkle left the day you did,

My precious one.

Living without you

leaves me totally speechless.

Missing you is a burden I carry every day,

It's wearing me down,

but there's no other way.

Missing you is something I will feel

Until we are together again,

I hope that, that day happens,

Can't bare to think that it won't

Love you So xxxx Mum

Heaven

Today we shed our tears for you

Tomorrow we do it all again

They say that time will make it better

I think about what could have been...

Still...

I believe that there's a whole lot of good people

I believe that there's a Light

And I believe in more than things I can see, my love

And I know this isn't right

But maybe this will make sense in Heaven

And I'll understand why you're gone

Maybe this will make sense in Heaven

'Cause right now it don’t make sense at all...

Today my prayers are in the sky

Tomorrow they'll still be there for you

They say that time will make it better

And I hope that what they say is true...

'Cause I believe that there’s a whole lot of good people

I believe that there's a Light

And I believe in more than things I can see my love

And I know this isn't right

But maybe this will make sense in Heaven

And I'll understand why you're gone

Maybe this will make sense in Heaven

'Cause right now this don't make sense at all

Yeah right now it don't make sense at all...

If we are fortunate, we are given a warning.

If not, there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart:

of being reminded that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high we can't see the bottom.

One by one, we lose those we love most 

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them without reservation.

Now. Today. This minute.

We will lose them or they will lose us someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss will leave a great pit in our hearts:

a pit we struggle to avoid during the day and fall into at night.

Some, unable to accept this loss, 

unable to determine the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive the shock, the denial, the horror, 

the bargaining, the barren empty aching, the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm, 

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost in a different way…

The laughter, the irrepressible spirit, the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel, 

the encouragement they gave even as their own dreams were dying.

We will still cry. 

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection 

more than hopeless longing. 

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end. 

That is how they would want it to be.

           Feelings of a Mom

 The pain of loosing a child is the deepest pain a mom can have. The pain is greater for a mom than a dad, sister, brother or a friend. No one, except another mom and God, even has a clue how it feels. I see family and friends all moving on and laughing and accepting the death. But for a mother that carried this precious child for 9 months and gave birth to this child, stayed up nights with this child, the pain is deeper than anyone could have. The deep inner relationship with this child and their mother is greater than any other could have with this person. Everyone says "I know how you feel" and "I miss him too" and "pray and think of all positive thoughts". You know those words do not mean a thing to a mother that has lost her child. And those words just make you want you to shut that person out of your life because they do not understand at all what you're going through. You get angry, the hurt grows stronger and you feel so alone. I personally have turned to mothers that have lost a child and they DO KNOW what it feels like and they all have been where I am right now. Many families drift apart during the grief of a mother because they do not understand why you're still in so much pain. Why you can't look at the positive, but how could they? A child has ONE MOTHER so no one else can feel what they feel or understand the deep pain they have. Like one mother said, sometimes just a hug with no words spoken is more comforting than one saying anything. Because if you have not been here and you're not this child's mother, you have no clue and the words many times cause more pain than support. Also, why you want to shut all around you out. I pray to God and talk to my son and yes, they both hear me. Darko does answer me in a very strong way, lately a lot of visual messages and other times it is like he reads the letters I write him and replies. A couple of times he gave me the pep talk before I even knew I was going to need it. So, a mom gets more support from the child they have lost, God and other mothers that have lost a child than from anyone else. I do get a few e-mails from people that have not lost a child but the words of comfort touch my heart in a major way and for those I am thankful. They are mostly from people I do not even know but who knew Darko.

I so miss you son..........the tears aren't as crazy as in the begining, but the pain seems deeper each day....it seems like a weight on my chest........I think through things that I was numb about...........sometimes the anger overwhelmes me........I still wish I could trade my life for yours......you are way to young, this is not how life is sapose to be!! I am lost, not sure what my purpose is anymore and question why I even wake up..............I do wake up, and I do put my feet on the floor.............feel like a zombie going thru the day. By night I am numb, lost, ache..............I hate the emotions that pour thru my heart........Son, I just want to touch you one more time............I play your  message over and over to hear your voice........Dear God, what I would give to trade our places..........

I love you sooo much!! Miss you more than ever. "Wish you were here""

All my love, luv u more!!! Mom

Hi son, I need to hold you again, to smell your hair, to see your smile, to hear your voice my love, miss you always