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                                                                                                                                                     August'2011

                        

Hello My HANDSOME SON

There are times I just do not understand any of this Darko.Then there are the times, I know that Jesus called you by name. He Wanted you to come home to Him. Even though I know deep in my heart, that He lent you to me for those precious 20 years, I feel so alone at times. Only you and the Lord knows the depth of my pain and anguish of you not with me any longer. I went to the cemetery today, I enjoy going to see you there as often as I do. I wanted to sit next to you and just talk about the things we use to do, the things we talked about, I am still having a very hard time without you Darko. I always talk to you. I feel so at peace there, even though, I know you are not in the grave. Only the shell that held your handsome spirit lies there. You are such a testimony for so many people. The love you showed to so many Darko, still is so powerful to this day.

 I walked into the house tonight and called your name. I asked you what you would like for dinner, there was no answer. I went into your room and once again look at your pictures, all of the ones you have on display. Some you are in, some your not. Even though I know the Lord and I know you are dwelling in His presence and that I will, one day, be able to see you again, this pain still exists. It doesn't go away. I will be talking to someone, or I will be in the market, or I see one of your friends and out of the blue, my voice quivers, my eyes swell with tears and my heart breaks all over again. My Dear Precious Darko, if my love and everyone who is here and their love for you, could have saved you, you would be here now. And yes,I know you were saved by the love, that Jesus has given to you and for all of us. That is why we will be together again someday. Goodnight my Sweet Son.......... I love you so much!!!!

Butter-Fly Kisses and My Love Forever... 20 years,8 months and 16 days  
Your Mom

 
mom
 
 
                                     
 
                                                                    July'2011
                                             
                                                          

 

On July 31, 2008 after bravely fighting the most difficult battle of his young life, God decided that my hero had suffered enough, he peacefully passed away and became God's newest Angel.  I can't even begin to express how priceless it was to be able to hold the son I had given birth to 20 years earlier while he peacefully walked, in no more pain, with no more hindrances, no more challenges, into the arms of God. Darko changed everyone who ever had the privilege and honor of meeting him, and I humbly include myself in this group, as not a day goes by that I am not eternally amazed and grateful to God for entrusting his life to me. From day one, he had the spirit of a giant, the heart of an Angel and the bravery of an army.  Darko fought every battle like it was the most important, and never, ever stopped trying.  We didn't teach him how to quit, and as hard as it now is for me, I refuse to quit because I know my baby never did.  To quit would be the ultimate betrayal.  He teaches me how to go on, somehow....  someway.... 
 
No one can go back and make a brand new start.Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strenght for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. 
 
                                                                                                                   
 

 It's has been so hard these three years with you gone from our lives. I didn't put in a page from last two years it was just too hard not saying this year is any different, but I feel I need to add this page at this time. You are very loved and missed I know that you are at peace and laughing, your hurt is gone. It doesn't make it any easier for the ones that are left behind. We are trying to live our lives with happiness there has been joy in our lives. Just know you will always be in our hearts even though you are not here physical. You always were concerned about others not even thinking of yourself. You had a kind heart and would give of yourself without asking anything in return. I love you my precious son.

If I could go anywhere in this great big world it would be nowhere. I want to be with you, My sweet Darko. I want to soar on your angel wings, see old frieds and learn new things.

If I could see anyone in this great big universe it would be noone, but you my sweet boy. I would give you hugs and kisses and all the other things your mommy misses.

If I could walk in anyones shadow it would be yours, You are the one that made me a mom. I don't understand why you are gone.

If I could be with anyone you see, it would be you my sweet baby, You where almost a man. No babies to hold.You are my angel, you always where. What do I do? Where do I go? I need you here. 


You're still a part of everything I do; You're on my heart just like a tattoo. I'll always have you Darko Durbic Just Like a Tattoo

 

 

 

The 31st of July my 20 year old son Darko took his last breath. After four  months of hard struggle against cancer he was forced to give up. He never gave up life.
In the end he was more mature then my husband and myself. He was not afraid of his death, just how it will become.
I've lost my friend, my son, and my love. My heart is cut out of my body. I can no longer find the world I once knew.

He was so certain. Treated with chemo and radiation, he still thought life was a never ending story to explore. Darko, I love You more than the rest of my own life. May I be half as brave as You to meet my life and my death.

Without You Darko, my life is no longer certain. Day by day passes by. I fear to live another 30 years without Your guidance. Please tell me there's a heaven where everybody meets. Please tell me there is a meaning to all we have to endure. Your life was in pain and still You were full of the power to love life. How can we learn from Your example now that You are gone?

For months I felt that Darko  was away somewhere having a good time.  I felt that any day he would phone, he would come. But he didn't phone, he didn't write, he didn't come. Darko was gone.

One day I went to Darko’s  room to put something away. When I opened the door I could smell him- I could smell the febreeze he loves to use. But he wasn't there.

I will never love anyone the way I love Darko. No one will ever love me the way Darko did.

 

My son, Darko, was always telling me, "Mom, don't worry! Nothing will happen to me!" How many times as parents do we here them say that? How many times as a mother did I think of all the things that could happen to him?

 What happens afterwards, unfortunately you all know by experience.

 

Life without Darko was something I could not even imagine, I wanted to die too. My son was a wonderful boy, full of life, good student, never gave us a problem of any sort. Since he was a little boy he wanted to go to bed late, as if he knew that his time was too short to be wasted sleeping. I want to share with you something he wrote:

"Live each day, each hour, each minute and if possible each second as they come. Take the most out of them. Forget the past, live the present and postpone the future. Death awaits you; it is just a matter of when and how it will strike you."

 

I am not a religious person so I could not turn to religion for support; I fell in a deep depression and had to seek medical help.

I could not bear the idea that he was gone forever. It was impossible for me to go on living with that thought. He had to be somewhere, all his power; his energy could not simply vanish. My grief has been long and painful and I believe that I will grieve as long as I live. I start to believe that maybe death is not the end but the beginning of something and maybe I will meet my son again, WHERE EVER HE IS, and hear him say again? Mom give-me a hug? Simple words that I miss so much.

 

Our grief is deep. Standing in the sea of pain I hope the next child caught in cancer will reenter life and give the world what was lost in Darko’s death.

 

The mother of Darko,the son who only joined the world for
20 years,8 months and 16 days  

 
                                                                                              
mom
 
                                                                                                                                  June'2011
 
               

Darko.. It's amazing how many times I can hear you laugh or see your smile. Everyday seems so routine now...I come home, go to my computer, and immediately start to think about you and miss you so much. It's hard not to cry, but I do quite often. Almost everyday.  It's still so unreal that you're gone...something none of us will ever understand.

Darko... This is now the Darko's Messages page...our way to talk to you. I chose the background because we decided that we're pretty sure it's you whenever we see a butterfly (and Granma  is a cardinal...are we right??!). I even has a little tattoo on my leg that resembles a butterfly. There have been quite a few times where we thought you were hanging around...was that you at the moving to new house??  Teddy and I went and saw you one day and you landed right in front of us. And I'm pretty sure that was you that landed on Taline's dress during Marko's and Taline's wedding. I hope everything is going well up there...I miss you, little butterfly in the sky!

Darko, we love and miss you more and more each and every day! Darko you are our butterfly and angel that we love and miss! Continue to watch over and protect us everyday. All our LOVE AND KISSES to the Heavens and Back! XOXO, Mom &  Dad

                                                        

 

                                                                                                                                            
mom
 

                                                                    May'2011

Hi Darko,
Guess what, but I bet you already know...? Your going to be an UNCLE!!! I am going to be a Grandma..! Isn't that exciting..! Would you and the Lord please watch over Taline and Marko at this special time in their life.. Thanks My sweet son..! I sure love you! Mammy..

There are times I just do not understand any of this Darko. I am here to tell you I can't stand the fact that you are gone, don't know if I ever will be able to accept it!Then there are the times, I know that Jesus called you by name. He Wanted you to come home to Him. Even though I know deep in my heart, that He lent you to me for those precious 20 years, I feel so alone at times. Only you and the Lord knows the depth of my pain and anguish of you not with me any longer. I went to the cemetery today, and wrote in your journal. I enjoy going to see you there as often as I do. I always write to you. I feel so at peace there, even though, I know you are not in the grave. Only the shell that held your beautiful spirit lies there. You are such a testimony for so many people. The love you showed to so many Darko, still is so powerful to this day. There is a Glorious day coming, when the heavens open and Jesus will call His people home, to meet Him in the clouds. I will see you on that wonderful day my sweet Darko. I love you with all of my heart and Soul. Please say hi to the Lord for me and let Him know how my heart yearns to see you again. Hugs and Butterfly Kisses   


 

Mama anđela M.Blekic
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtEzKzG3sqI
mom
 

 

                                                                                                                       April' 2011
                                        
                                                                                                                 
         WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN LOSING A CHILD? THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE.

                                         LIVING ,AFTER LOSING A CHILD.......

 

Get Over It, How many times have I heard –since my child’s death – isn’t it time you got over it? Let him go and get on with your life.

Stop living in the past.

How? I will never “get over” the death of my child.

Death is not an "it".

 

You might as well say these words to a legless dog behind a six foot fence. The dog has more chance of success than I do.

People, who have never lost a child to death, cannot understand that my child was not a possession. Neither an expensive item that I can replace with the insurance money nor a paper cup I could toss in the trash and buy another one.

 

 

He was born of my blood and was an integral part of my life. From the first beat of his heart in my womb, he was bonded to my soul. No I will never get over “it”. Nor will any parent who has lost a child. I can only try and learn to deal with his death and the void that has been created in my life. Let him go – I have no choice. I did not “let him go” he was taken by death. All I have left are my memories.

 

These memories are extremely precious, and by holding on to them I can keep him “alive”. By talking about him– I keep him“alive”. He is gone and pain and heartache has taken his place. I am definitely not living in the past. How can I be, the past did not have such heartache and pain. The past had days full of laughter and a child I could hug, touch, see and feel. I am living in the present, which is empty of laughter and full of pain.

 

 

 I will never understand why people think I live in the past, just because I want to talk about my child. He existed. He laughed, he cried, he impacted on peoples lives. If he was alive, and I spoke about little incidents that had happened – would this be construed as living in the past?

People around me whose children are still alive, talk about special days of when their children were younger, but no one accuses them of living in the past. What is different?

 

My child is no longer alive, which make these precious memories so much more important and yet I am judged and told to move on with my life. This is impossible, as my life ended the same day my son died. Unless you have gone through the death of a child, you will never understand that the pain is not just emotional but physical.

 

 

 

I cannot get on with my life; no more than a quadriplegic can run a 100-meter sprint. My old life ended, my new life began. In the same manner my first life was not mine by choice, it was given to me by my parents, my new life is not mine by choice – it has been given to me by the death of my child. This is the reality. My heart was severely wounded, and although it scabs over it will never heal. The injury was too severe. Every day I treat the wound by staying busy.

 

 

 

I laugh, I smile and joke around but each night the tidal wave of physical and emotional pain strips away the protective scab I have tried so hard to build each day. Like a deep wound that heals on the outside, but festers away on the inside, my idle mind is filled with anguish of the reality of my child’s death.

 

Many people say to me I have changed. Can you lose part of yourself and be unchanged? If I had been in an accident, where I had lost an arm or a leg, would people say – You have changed. I doubt it, because they would be able to see the changes so they would never dream of stating the obvious.

 

 

 

What is not understood, part of my heart has been destroyed, but because the damage cannot be seen, I am expected to be the same as I was before. Perhaps what I am trying to say does not make much sense, but this new life I have been given doesn’t make much sense either.

 

I am doing my best to live my new life, perhaps I am not doing enough in other people’s eyes, but I was never taught how to live in a world that had such a huge void in it.

 
 
                        
 
 
mom
 
                                                                                                                                                    April' 01.2011

Today is a very special day to express the Love I have for you my dear son,  but this day brings Back special memories of you by my side each year.

 Special cards, presents we once shared when you was here on earth I Miss from the depths of my soul and my Heart aches to share it with you again.

The joy of your presence when I opened Your card, Your present you gave to me each and every year I miss so badly and dream of Your arms around me saying I love you and Happy Birthday my mom.

I will always be your loving mother my dearest Sweet loving son and one day when God call me as your heavenly mother we will once again share our heavenly birthdays together.

Milena Durbic
 
                                                                                                 March' 2011
                                                          

Darko, My handsome Son!


It is a beautiful day out today. The sun is shining, the air is crisp and clean, the view can be seen for miles and miles. The birds are singing and there is an excitement of the beginning of spring in the air. Today is the 2 years & 8 months of you going to be with the Lord. I am sure heaven and being with the Lord is much more beautiful than this lovely day that He has given us to enjoy here. My heart is sad, but blessed for having you with me for the beautiful 20years you were here. There are no words to actually describe how you are missed. The tears that have been shed out number the sands of the sea.
But you are still with us, you live on in all of our hearts and will forever. You have touched more lives then one can count. Thank you Darko for allowing me to be your mom. It is an honor to have you for my son. I will love you through eternity with all of my heart. I know I will see you again, one day soon.

What I can say is that Darko more than anything loved his friends and loved being with his friends, they more than anyone made him happy,he loved going out with them, staying in with them, just being with them. We never realised how many friends Darko actually had, his funeral was overwhelming, the turnout was amazing.

We laugh at the stories we have been getting told and we never  realized just how much people loved you and enjoyed your company, and the amount of friends you actually had, you touched so many people Darko, not only your friends but also their friends and their families.

Darko we are sure you are in heaven with baka Mara, playing, but one thing we do know is that she is there to protect you and although she didn’t expect to see you so soon we know you are in good hands.Look after one another and when we look up in the sky at the brightest star we will know you are looking down on us and your memory will live on.There are many things for which Darko will be remembered and if he was standing here today he would be thinking “why the sad faces”

Prayer for my Son

Although he has left us at much too young age, his memory lives on not only within our hearts but in the smiles upon the faces of his family and the people he has touched with his generosity and kindness.
A very wise man once told me that when a person touches a place on the earth and you stand where he had once stood you will feel their breath upon you.
His deep brown eyes along with his huge eye lashes and cheeky smile kept me and all that looked upon him spelled bound.
The Breath of our son will always be upon us. 
    Darko is survived by his brother Marko, father Anto
And a Mother who miss's him so very very Much! Our Prayers are with you son.
We love you so much.


I can't wait to see you again my handsome Darko. I will close for now, please tell Jesus hello and give Him a hug for me. I am hugging you every moment here in my heart. 
I Love You,....Always and Forever   Your mom 
              
                                                                                        
                                                                                                                       
 

 

M0M
 

   February'2011

 

      
                                   
How does one speak of a child they love so very much? How do I share and express the pain I hold so close in my heart? It will be with me, until the day I leave this earth. How am I? Is a mother supposed to cope and move on with her life after the death of her sweet baby boy? Darko was part of me, he was a part of my life. He was taken from me, and when this happened, a part of me ceased to exist.

There is now a void in my life, so huge, that not even God Himself can fill the pain and emptiness left behind. You ask me what sort of comfort my Darko was to me? How do I even attempt to answer such a question? Darko was suddenly snatched from my life, ripped out of my arms, all my hopes for him, all my aspirations for him, all my dreams for him, the absolute joy he brought into my life, now shattered and gone forever.

 I was the first person in this world to touch him, hold him and kiss him when he came into this world. So Ironic, I was also the last person to touch and hold and kiss Darko before his casket was sealed for eternity.

I will never have the privilege of walking him down the aisle on his wedding day. I will never have the opportunity to see my grandchildren and the resemblance we might share. I won't be able to hold my grandchildren on my lap and tell them what their Daddy was like when he was a little boy.

The Christmas's,  all of the birthdays, all of the holidays are now gone forever. There will always be an emptiness, a void, a space, a place that can never be filled with the joy, the happiness, the beautiful presence Darko brought into my life or anyone else's. There will always be an empty plate whenever there is a family gathering.

If only I could turn back the hands of time, if only I had known there was so much more of him, and his leaving, would create this throbbing emptiness, in my heart and soul... I would have done things so differently. I would have fallen to my knees each and every morning thanking God for his life, and not assumed he would always be here. I would have listened more intently to every word that passed over his lips and every time he looked at me with his big beautiful eyes I would have captured his joy in my memory. I would have laughed more often, spent more time with him, taken him more places. Every smile he gave to me, I would have cherished so much more and planted deep into the reaches of my mind. Now all I have is his memory to help me go on.

One thing I do know is, that this hole in my existence will never heal. It will be there forever and ever. Life goes on and so will the eternal pain of me losing my precious son Darko.

BUTTERFLY KISSES My Handsome Darko

           

                                                                                                                                                                                      
mom ...
 

January' 2011

 

 
 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could build a stairway to heaven . Not to bring our loved one back , never would I want him to come back and have to endure the pain he was in . But it would be great to have a way to go and see him ...where he is happy and free . The song speaks of : When all are one and one is all.....To be a rock and not to roll. So be strong Son and one day we will run up those stairs and we will once again be complete...

 

 

 Darko........My life is just not the same with you gone and even though I know that we will be together again some day, it doesn't give me much comfort.  You are a special son who had his whole life ahead of him but was robbed of the opportunity to live your life to the fullest.  Even though I do not have the answers now as to why this happened, I will continue searching and doing whatever I have to do to get the answers.  You touched so many lives in such a short period of time here on earth and you are missed so much!  Although we still have the memories to think of, it just isn't the same with you not here.  I'm so proud of the kind of son you are and I can truly say that there's no parent who could have been blessed more than I am for having you.  I have a void in my heart that will never be filled until we can be together again.  My life is forever changed and can never be the same as it once was.  Please know that I love you so much but I miss you even more! 

 

Love from your mama

 

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