Darko Durbic

The Year Before Last
by Unknown

The holiday season is approaching,
and with it comes the New Year.
Although for me time passes slowly,
New Year's Day will ring in quickly.

I dread this New Year's Day
because they will look at me
in a terribly strange way
when I get misty-eyed,
and talk about something you had done.

After you first left me,
they reasoned when I cried,
"He's only been gone a few months."
And I would catch that look of
understanding in their eyes,
and found some comfort that they knew.

But on last New Year's Day,
my first thought upon awakening was,
Oh God, my son died last year,
not just a few months ago, not even this year,
but last year.
He will never live in this year.

They didn't understand, they didn't reason,
that last year, for me, the loss was still new.
They thought, "It happened last year,
so long ago, why does she still cry?"
I could see it in their eyes.

This New Year's Day, will it be different?
Will my first thought upon awakening be,
Oh God, my son died the year before last,
not a few months ago, not this year or even last year,
but the year before last?
He will never live in this year.

Will they even listen, should I not look them
in the eyes, for fear that I shall see,
"Why is she still crying? It happened so long ago.
It was the year before last."

Those words that we use
to describe the passage of time,
a few months, this year,
last year, the year before last.
They don't know that time stands still for me.

Will they understand that's why I cry?
Don't they know
my son just died ...
the year before last?

Loss of a Child

The moment that I knew you had died,
My heart split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.

For those who still have their children,
Treat them with tender care,
You will never know the
emptiness,
As when you turn and they are not there.

Don't tell me that you understand,
don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task,
Apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to grieve,
Don't tell me when to cry.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, "My friend, I care."

  I’ve seen you in my dream
I had tears in my eyes
Because I miss you so!
I’ve seen you in my dream
And you hugged me!
I wanna see you again
In my dream
I wanna talk to you
And say I love you so!
I wanna see you again
In my dream
I wanna hug you so much
And never let you go! 
          

Perhaps the oceans

                                                   of grieving mothers.

                are simply the salty tears

what the caterpillar thinks is the end of life-
the butterfly thinks is just the beginning 

A Message to our Son


We walked together, you and I
Parents and their Son
We had Hopes and Dreams for tomorrow.....
But tomorrow didn't come.

We walked together you and I
We talked, we laughed we loved.
We shared so many happy times,
And for that we thank the Lord above.

We walked together, you and I
But only for a short time.
For all too soon it ended
Leaving pieces of a broken heart behind

And even though we miss you
More than words could ever say. 
We thank God that we got to walk with you
Every precious moment of every day.... 

At night when the world
Is fast asleep
I often lie awake and cry
Wondering why oh why oh why
Do so many precious children
Why do they have to die
Yet I know only god knows why
I guess that's why I cry
I'll never forget these children
I wouldn't even try