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On July 31, 2008 after bravely fighting the most difficult battle of his young life, God decided that my hero had suffered enough, he peacefully passed away and became God's newest Angel. I can't even begin to express how priceless it was to be able to hold the son I had given birth to 20 years earlier while he peacefully walked, in no more pain, with no more hindrances, no more challenges, into the arms of God. Darko changed everyone who ever had the privilege and honor of meeting him, and I humbly include myself in this group, as not a day goes by that I am not eternally amazed and grateful to God for entrusting his life to me. From day one, he had the spirit of a giant, the heart of an Angel and the bravery of an army. Darko fought every battle like it was the most important, and never, ever stopped trying. We didn't teach him how to quit, and as hard as it now is for me, I refuse to quit because I know my baby never did. To quit would be the ultimate betrayal. He teaches me how to go on, somehow.... someway.... |
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It's has been so hard these three years with you gone from our lives. I didn't put in a page from last two years it was just too hard not saying this year is any different, but I feel I need to add this page at this time. You are very loved and missed I know that you are at peace and laughing, your hurt is gone. It doesn't make it any easier for the ones that are left behind. We are trying to live our lives with happiness there has been joy in our lives. Just know you will always be in our hearts even though you are not here physical. You always were concerned about others not even thinking of yourself. You had a kind heart and would give of yourself without asking anything in return. I love you my precious son.
If I could go anywhere in this great big world it would be nowhere. I want to be with you, My sweet Darko. I want to soar on your angel wings, see old frieds and learn new things.
If I could see anyone in this great big universe it would be noone, but you my sweet boy. I would give you hugs and kisses and all the other things your mommy misses.
If I could walk in anyones shadow it would be yours, You are the one that made me a mom. I don't understand why you are gone.
If I could be with anyone you see, it would be you my sweet baby, You where almost a man. No babies to hold.You are my angel, you always where. What do I do? Where do I go? I need you here.
You're still a part of everything I do; You're on my heart just like a tattoo. I'll always have you Darko Durbic Just Like a Tattoo
The 31st of July my 20 year old son Darko took his last breath. After four months of hard struggle against cancer he was forced to give up. He never gave up life.
In the end he was more mature then my husband and myself. He was not afraid of his death, just how it will become.
I've lost my friend, my son, and my love. My heart is cut out of my body. I can no longer find the world I once knew.
He was so certain. Treated with chemo and radiation, he still thought life was a never ending story to explore. Darko, I love You more than the rest of my own life. May I be half as brave as You to meet my life and my death.
Without You Darko, my life is no longer certain. Day by day passes by. I fear to live another 30 years without Your guidance. Please tell me there's a heaven where everybody meets. Please tell me there is a meaning to all we have to endure. Your life was in pain and still You were full of the power to love life. How can we learn from Your example now that You are gone?
For months I felt that Darko was away somewhere having a good time. I felt that any day he would phone, he would come. But he didn't phone, he didn't write, he didn't come. Darko was gone.
One day I went to Darko’s room to put something away. When I opened the door I could smell him- I could smell the febreeze he loves to use. But he wasn't there.
I will never love anyone the way I love Darko. No one will ever love me the way Darko did.
My son, Darko, was always telling me, "Mom, don't worry! Nothing will happen to me!" How many times as parents do we here them say that? How many times as a mother did I think of all the things that could happen to him?
Life without Darko was something I could not even imagine, I wanted to die too. My son was a wonderful boy, full of life, good student, never gave us a problem of any sort. Since he was a little boy he wanted to go to bed late, as if he knew that his time was too short to be wasted sleeping. I want to share with you something he wrote:
"Live each day, each hour, each minute and if possible each second as they come. Take the most out of them. Forget the past, live the present and postpone the future. Death awaits you; it is just a matter of when and how it will strike you."
I am not a religious person so I could not turn to religion for support; I fell in a deep depression and had to seek medical help.
I could not bear the idea that he was gone forever. It was impossible for me to go on living with that thought. He had to be somewhere, all his power; his energy could not simply vanish. My grief has been long and painful and I believe that I will grieve as long as I live. I start to believe that maybe death is not the end but the beginning of something and maybe I will meet my son again, WHERE EVER HE IS, and hear him say again? Mom give-me a hug? Simple words that I miss so much.
Our grief is deep. Standing in the sea of pain I hope the next child caught in cancer will reenter life and give the world what was lost in Darko’s death.
The mother of Darko,the son who only joined the world for
20 years,8 months and 16 days
May'2011
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