Darko Durbic

I am thanking God which give me a privilege to be Darko’s mom and to watch him growing in to wanderfool young man.

As day’s, month’s, year’s  pass on I am realizing more and more how special he was, and I am going to remember him and his kindness all the time.

We laughed at him because he was different.

He laughed at us because we were all the same.

We will never laugh the same again.

                         Love mom

Anto and I are heartsick without our precious son. We love him. Yes, LOVE, not loved. Our love for Darko will NEVER die. And until we are reunited with him, our lives will always have a piece missing, our hearts too. When Darko went to Heaven, he took part of our hearts with him. We look forward to the day when we will join him in Heaven, and spend eternity with him.

Happy Valentine's Day Son, you will always be our heart.

How do I continue with no spirit in my heart and no where to get it?

Tears of Life

So this is life now that you're gone

A heart so broken living withdrawn

Tears that flow... life's big mistake

Sleepless nights without a break

Life was meant to be with you

Each day I wish this were untrue

I miss you so...This hurts too much

Feels as though my heart has crushed

Millions of tears that I have shed

Wishing it had been me instead

Silent thoughts...thunderous screams

Nights that  fill with terrible dreams

I have changed since you have gone

Asked over and over what is wrong?

Can't they see... I'm not me

My heart gives me no reprieve

Sad but true they think I'm fine

Maybe they can't see I'm lying

To me it is clear... over the years

I have simply learned to hide these tears

Bittersweet memories and photographs

Days long gone with many laughs

Now each day... tears and pain

This is how life will remain

Asking daily how and why

Sit and watch the days go by

This is life...Feels so wrong

I want you back where you belong

In loving memory of my son Darko

Only God knows why he took you home. Only god knows the plan he had for you. But I will never stop asking Why? Why my son? Why my angel? Why did you think his family didn't need him anymore? We do. Why God Why? I Love you son- always and everywhere!

Hear Me Mum...

Open your heart Mum for I am here
We have twenty years of memories
Embrace them Mum wipe your tears
I love you Mum as you love me

Our bond is not broken try to see
I am there with you every step of the way
I am in your heart each minute of your day
Open your mind Mum do not be afraid
Our love is never far away


Look for the signs I am so near
I am in your thoughts in your dreams
I am standing next to you
I am the soft kiss upon your cheek
I am your reflection in the mirror
Because you are my Mum
Because you are me.

On July 31, 2008, my life as I knew it ended when I lost my child- my handsome son Darko. For me, that was the day the music died! He was my best friend! He was always the first person I wanted to call when anything good happened and the first one I called to when things went wrong. He was my confidant, my mine me.... I miss him so much. I will never be the same; a large part of me went with him. I will not apologize for not bouncing right back, I am doing the best I can to get by day by day. My little whirlwind (so correctly described by April Jackson) left too soon and I miss him with everything I am. I wanted him to be happy. To have the things that we all want in life- marriage, kids, career, etc. I will never get to see him grow and have those things. I will never see him past the age of 21. I realize that he is not missing out on anything and I know that he is in God's hands but that doesn't make me miss him any less. I am still asking why. I realize that that may offend some, but I am a mother missing her son that was taken. I have a right to ask why even though I know I will never get the answers. Darko was one of a kind! So funny, animated, full of life, unpredictable, compassionate, caring, and also stronger than any one I ever met. He was so cute and so funny- once you met him you would never forget him because that is how he wanted it to be. You never asked him opinion unless you wanted it. Be careful what you asked for because he would definitely let you know how he felt about something. If you were in the wrong, he was the first one to tell you- all the while keeping that beautiful smile on his face and ending it with, "I'm just saying".

Last year we celebrated first birthday  of Milla- my first grandbaby. I know Darko would love to share this time with us. It breaks my heart that he will not get to hold Marko’s hand and comfort him by telling him everything will be ok. Darko always looked up to Marko, they were so close. It also breaks my heart that he was not here to be one of the first to hold baby Milla. The timing has been so surreal. We can only think that this is some kind of a sign that he is still very much a big part of our lives.

To my sister, brothers, mom and dad, my husband, my son Marko, daughter in law Taline and all my wonderful friends:
I want to thank all my wonderful friends for always being there for me. My sister, brothers and mother have been amazing. No matter how distant I feel from everyone, you are always there. Without even telling you, I know that you understand that my constant mood swings and change of emotions isn't about you. It's like you can look right down to my very soul and know exactly how I feel. I always know that when I am ready to talk, cry, or spill my heart you are ready to lend an ear or shoulder. Darko’s friends have also been amazing to me, Anto and Marko. You all have become a big part of our lives- you are part of my family now. It has meant so much to me getting to know you all and it takes my breath away just knowing how much you guys truly loved my baby son. I will always be here for you no matter what. All of you guys have been my rocks!! I am not as strong as I let on, I need your support, and I know that I have it. I can't even put into words how much that it has meant to me.

We may not be able to see Darko anymore but I don’t feel as if we have lost him – after all you cannot lose someone when you know where they are. And for me, Anto, Marko and everyone who loved him – we know where he is.
He is in our hearts and that’s where he will stay forever.

How Long Will The Pain Last?

"How long will the pain last?"
A broken-hearted mourner asked me.
"All the rest of your Life"
I have to answer truthfully.

We never quite forget.
No matter how many years pass we remember.
The loss of a loved one is like a major operation.
Part of us is removed and we have a scar
For the rest of our lives.

As years go by we manage.
There are things to do people to care for
Tasks that call for full attention.
But the pain is still there not far below the surface.

We see a face that looks familiar
Hear a voice that echoes
See a photograph in someone's album
And it seems as though
A knife were in the wound again.

But not so painfully
And mixed with joy too
Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow;
It brings back some happiness with it too.

How long will the pain last?
"All the rest of your life."
But the thing to remember
Is that not only will the pain last
But the blessed memories as well.

Tears are proof of life;
The more love the more tears.
If this be true then how could we ever ask
That the pain cease altogether?
For then the memory of love would go with it.
The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.

Our children through their illness became the strongest and bravest humans ever. Too bad we as parents can't be that brave when our children lose the fight and leave us. Darko’s death has left a hole in our hearts that will never go away. We miss and love him more with each passing day. My dear sweet son, I'll miss you every day. Gone but not forgotten. In my heart you shall stay. Let never a moment go by without me not thinking of you. Dear sweet son, forever I'll love you.

I will hold you once again.........love mama

WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

As long as I can dream,
As long as I can think,
As long I have memory...
I will love you

As long as I have eyes to see
and ears to hear
and lips to speak...
I will love you.

As long as I have a heart to feel,
a soul stirring with in,
An imagination to hold you...
I will love you.

As long as there is time,
As long there is love,
As long as I have a breath
to speak your name...

Because I love you more than anything...
In the entire world.

Another year come and gone, but still you are the one,
That could brighten our day, when the sunshine hides away,
Though in our hearts you will remain,
Until once more we're together again,
Words can not begin to reveal,
How you being gone has made us feel,
Life is hard and times are tough,
Your spirit remains and that is enough,
To see us through each passing year,
Though times will come we'll shed a tear,
Not tears of hurt but tears of joy,
To remember the life you once enjoyed,
Rest in peace Darko Durbic,
Until one day we all will see,
The smile we all love and adore,
Standing and waiting upon heaven's door.
We miss you and love you always, Rest in peace Darko Durbic.
x.x.x.♥

I light this candle for My precious DARKO. This holiday season hasn’t been the same without you. We love and miss you terribly!! Happy New Year, sweet Angel.