A Poem For My Son

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face. 

How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my Son,
My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mom grow old!

I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.

"Love you and miss you my baby boy. So many things needed to be said, not enough time for us. I have never known anyone as awesome as you. You were so special. You will always be on my mind in my heart. To think of you is to think of Love...."

"It seems I always say the same thing over and over again. What else can I say but How very much I miss you, love you, need to hold you in my empty arms one more time. This is my Hell, my cross to bear, 4 years but seems like yesterday. MY beautiful sweet child my love forever"

"I miss you every minute of every day. If I could have changed the outcome of that last month of your life here with us, if I could hold you, hug you, say how much I love you and told you how very proud of you I have always been, But I can't, so I am telling you now I love YOU always"

A mothers love knows no bounds. No stronger bond can be found Child & Mother connected from start & forever Love you

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Today should be the day you celebrate your 25th birthday my darling son with your family and friends. This was the day you were born and came into our life. I remember the way you looked at me the first time I held you. There won’t be a celebration cake candles or presents today instead we will place flowers and release balloons to float to you. Now that you are celebrating your birthdays in heaven I’ll have to look toward heaven and blow your birthday kisses to you.  I hope all of your angel friends and family will throw you the best birthday party ever. Our Darling Darko we love you with all our hearts and are now waiting for our one sweet day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SON

Forever 20 on your 25th birthday.

Loving you always

Mom

I miss you so much today... not that I don't always feel that empty spot in my heart that is held just for you but today ...it seems more empty than ever.

Mom loves being with all my friends and family here on earth but when the time comes I hope none of them mourn for me as I will be so happy to be with you again. It has been far too long since I have seen your smile and felt your warm breath upon my neck as I held you close.

I love you Darko...

 Not one day will pass that I will not remember

Mom is having all these anxiety attacks..and can't sleep at night.  All I think about is YOU!  I love you my forever baby boy!!"

"My dear Son: There is not a day, holiday, or event that I don't miss you with all my heart. My heart broke into a million pieces the day you passed away, and no matter how hard I try, I can't put it back together. Someday we will meet again. I will never forget you, and I know you are with me and watching over me. I will love you forever!"

"Perhaps they are not stars...but rather openings in heaven...where the love of our lost ones pours through...and shines down upon us...to let us know they are happy. I love you and miss you so very much - Mom"

Tonight I sit looking at the collage of pictures of you........so many smiles. so many adventures........so many memories.............

Rainbow's End Memorial

We do not need a special day to bring you to our minds.
The days that we don't think of you are very hard to find.

Each morning when we awake, we know that you are gone,
And nobody knows the heartache as we try to carry on.

Our hearts still ache with sadness and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose someone like you no one will ever know.

Our thoughts are clearly with you, your place no one can fill.
In life we loved you dearly — in death we love you still.

There will always be a heartache and sometimes we'll shed a tear,
For there remain precious memories of the days when you were here.

If tears could make a staircase and heartaches make a lane,
We'd walk the path to Heaven and bring you home again.

So we'll let our angels guide us — right to the Rainbow's End —
They'll walk with us throughout our lives until we meet again.

The Rainbow Bridge
       

By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.

For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.

No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.

They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.

For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.

The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over. together.

THANK YOU

             Thank you our Heavenly father for the gift of letting me care and love my 2 sons. Each one the light in my heart that shines along with my love and gratitude to you Lord.  My little one resides with you now and has for the last 4 years. It has been the hardest thing I have experienced so far in my life. Thank you for carrying me over the roughest times, when you spoke into my heart and helped me to get up to do what I needed to do each day. All I wanted was to stay in bed and sleep so I wouldn't feel the pain. But you gave me 1 more son to care for--- I needed him as much as he needed me. Thank you Jesus for the 20 years with Darko, I think you taught me a lot thru him. Please tell him I will always love him as only a Mama can. Better to have the pain of losing him than to never have him at all. You know my pain Lord and you knew I could be strong enough to go on. Please help me and guide me to do the right thing when it's needed. My son is hurting so badly right now. Help me help him through this Lord. Marko is growing into a strong man, how do I teach him about you, how do I help him through life Lord?  We are all having difficulties now, but I pray they will pass. Thank you Father in Jesus name, Amen

IF

If, if, if.... The largest word in the English language. My mind screams "if" almost all the time. If I had told you all these things that race throughout my crazy mind when you were here to hear me say them. If I had told you every day every night, every time we parted for a while that I love you with all my heart that I was so proud of you, that you were so very special, that you were the most amazing son anyone could want. If if if if. Would I carry this constant wish that I had said these things and so many more to you when I had the chance?  I know you knew that I loved you, that all of us loved you. But it is not enough for me; I need to tell you so many things but it is too late. I hope you can hear me now. The I love you words I wasn't taught as far as I can remember. My family didn't tell each other that or any other words of praise. I wanted it to be different for my sons; I wanted to make sure each one of you knew that you were loved and honored, that you each were a gift from our Heavenly Father. Anto and I am so sorry that we didn't say I love You enough, I didn't tell you how proud I was of you--for just being the kind, sweet loving child and then young man that you were.   You were special and you were loved. When I began to write this all I could focus on was "IF " You are absent from your body, not here that I can see, but still managed to make my pain subside just by remembering the person you were. You might not be here in body but you still have that "it's gonna be OKAY Mom" effect. My tears have dried for now, and I think I can go to bed and actually sleep without the silent tears that have become a part of my life. I LOVE YOU DARKO; I thank God for the blessing of having you loaned to me for almost 21 years. Of course I will always miss you, cry for you, but it is like the song The Dance, better to have the pain of losing you, than to have never had you at all.  I love you and of course miss you so very much my sweet child----------------Your Mom

Wanting you back in my arms

I get to start writing to you on you page again, baby! I’m so happy that I get to write to you everyday like I used to. Nothing has changed for me, I still think of you every night and day. I will until the day I get to be with you again.

I cannot believe you would be turning 25 in here in a few weeks!! I already have you special birthday planned and ready to go when the day comes. Your special place is going to be decked out with flowers and balloons and some special champagne!!

I am reading this book called "heaven is real", and I love it!! It reinforces my faith in heaven, God, everything! I know you are happy up there, and are waiting for me! I cannot wait to be with you again, I wish I could count down the days until I am able to hold and kiss you again! Please come and visit me in my dreams, I really need a visit from you. My heart is always aching deep down inside for my baby, my love love, my handsome, my angel!! Nothing is ever the same anymore!

You and Denis have fun playing together; tell him to visit his parents and brother. Everyone really misses him, especially his parents. Have him take a peek into their dreams one night to let them know that he is ok.

Forever loving you
Always missing you
One day closer to being with you
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXX