Darko Durbic

I HOPE

I hope you never have to hear the words, "Your child has cancer."

I hope you never have to hear, "The prognosis is not good."

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy.

Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, "Don't worry Mommy, everything will be okay.'

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the "cure" you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they

lose their hair,

become skeletal,

develop severe acne,

become barely or unable to walk or move,

and look at you with hope in their eyes and say,

"It's going to be okay, Mommy."

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months,  where there is no privacy, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor...crying quietly, after just being told, "There is nothing more we can do."

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child's body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, "It's going to be okay Mommy."

I hope you never have to experience any of these things...Because...only then...

Will you understand...

The time has come for me to release you 
Free to fly high above this world. 
Where the flowers forever bloom & 
The ultimate love fills the space. 
  
In my attempt to try to keep you 
I've only been able to hold the anger 
Not realizing that I have to let you go 
I can't hold on. 

I'll no more keep your pain alive, 
I won't try to hold you down. 
I'll let you fly on to higher ground. 

My grief has left a numbness, 
as if this isn't real 
You are in my heart forever, 
but I know I have to let you free. 

Soar high. 
Laugh as a child that feels the joy of the moment. 
Play among the rivers flowing through the hills. 
Roam the fields of daisies. 
Fly to the top of the mountains. 

With closed eyes, I see you among the flowers, 
High above the clouds. 
 
Your presence blows through me with the breeze. 
Your smile beams down on through the sun. 
The full moon brings the light of your laughter to my mind. 

This day will be a celebration
of the short time you were here.
You will always be remembered
with great love and many tears.
But to only feel pain and sorrow
would not be fair to you.
Your life meant so much more to us,
more than words could say.
You were here so briefly,
I wonder if you knew
all the ways you’ve touched
our world and our hearts
and everyone who knew you
since the day God called you home.
Now my child, you’re an angel
with your heavenly Father above,
we see not only what we’ve lost
but our capacity of love.
There will always be a big void
in our life and a hole in our
hearts that will never heal.
Our souls will grieve forever.
Will we forget or stop loving you?
No! Not now…not ever.
As this day is upon us,
oh, how our hearts still hurt.
But even as I mourn your death,
we will always celebrate your birth.
It was the happiest day of our lives.

The walls close in around me.  
I feel myself slipping,  
The line between reality and sanity  
blending, fading.  

I walk on the rim  
carefully balancing.  
Taunting, teasing, risking  
dangerously near falling.  

Below me a beckoning abyss.  
Calling me  
Welcoming me  
Spirits cry out,  
"Join us. Let us free your suffering."  

The battle has waged too long.  
I am done.  
Unable to fight anymore  
I give in.  

The ropes surround me  
like weights  
pull me under.  
The abyss consumes me  
enveloping, surrounding me.  

A Hand appears out of the light.  
Strong arms  
to pull me from the darkness.  
To save me from myself  
and impending sleep.  

I am brought back from the edge.  
I return to the world  
into the light and the truth.  

Released from my chains  
as a butterfly  
I fly free and strong  
to greet the new dawn.  
Awake.  
Alive.  

No longer do I fear the edge.  
It has retreated.  
I stand on solid ground.  
Not alone, but with you.  

Friend.  
Rescuer.  
Guardian Angel.  

Grief to last a Lifetime

There is a grief that ages the face and hardens the heart

Yet softens the spirit…
 

A grief that casts shadows on the eyes

Yet broadens the mind…

A grief that keeps the pain and has no words

But increases the understanding…
 

There is a grief that breaks the heart and wounds the soul,
That lasts and lasts and can shatter in a minute,

But will inspire for a lifetime.

And another "reality check" on what to do with what life does to you.
 

"None of us can help the things life has done to us.
They're done before you realise it,
and once they're done
they make you do other things,
until at last
everything becomes between you and what you'd like to be,
and you have lost your true self forever."

Our Heart's Our Shatterd 4-ever

 

If I could give you diamonds
for each tear you cried for me.
if I could give you sapphires
for each truth you’ve helped me see.
If I could give you rubies
for the heartache that you’ve known
If I could give you pearls
for the wisdom that you’ve shown.

Then you’ll have a treasure, mum,
that would mount up to the skies
That would almost match
the sparkle in your kind and loving eyes.

But I have no pearls, no diamonds,
As I’m sure you’re well aware
So I’ll give you gifts more precious
My devotion, love and care.

Our hearts are full of memories
with pride we speak your name

Our lives go on without you
but will never be the same

You leave a space no one can fill
and no one, Darko, ever will 

Your pleasures were simple
and needs were few

Your families happiness meant
the world to you

A shining example you were to us all,
your wisdom and advice

We will always recall
God saved you too

He thought it best 
to take you home from pain to rest.

We will always remember Darko

in our hearts and minds always and forever!!